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I found this book after separating from my girl friend. I was having difficulties dealing with our breakup. I really didn't know what to do or where to turn for help with my emotions. I spent a lot of my time talking to my friends as a way of coping and they were supportive of me and my situation. After seeing this book on here I decided, what the heck it sure can't hurt to see what the author has to say. So I downloaded the book and had a hard time putting it down. I wanted to keep reading it all the way through to the end. Well I got there and I was able to use many of the ideas and suggestions, brought forward in this book in order to help me deal with the emotions that were swirling around in my head. It helped me with my outlook on the situation instead of dealing with ideas about what my girl friend was or might be doing with someone else I realized that was something I had no control over and to think about all the possibilities that might be taking place would only drag me down further. I needed to look inward to myself and release those thoughts and keep confidence in myself with a positive attitude and everything will work out. And it did. We are back together and as happy as ever.

~ JJ

I want to first thank the author for a great resource. Thank you so much. But I read this book too late. I should have read this so much earlier. This book has "meaning" and makes so much sense. Take it from someone who has NOT followed the book (because of my weaknesses and because I wasn't "serious" enough and continued to be "myself" and a part of me even thought that "changing" myself in anyway won't work. How wrong I was!) and lost! I lost him. He walked away. I couldn't even keep him as a "friend" because I kept making the mistakes this books warns about.
I rarely write reviews, but this I had to. To warn others, to not take this lightly. Do follow this book and take it seriously if you want to have any chance with the one you love. Everyone's situation is different, but you will nevertheless find pearls of wisdom here. That will help you realize what love should truly look like. It helped shatter many wrong beliefs for me. I had made EVERY mistake the author listed. Even if things are going well in your relationship, reading this book will still help you a lot, as there's stuff to learn in here about True Love. It certainly helped me open my eyes.
Stay sane, and balanced, and in-control. Even though it's very difficult during the trying times. But you will reap great benefits at the end of it. Please don't make the same mistake I made. I don't want anyone to go through the pain of loss upon loss, with the same person, that I did. Ultimately, what's to happen, will happen. This does not *guarantee* anything, but this makes sure, you give it your BEST SHOT, in the most classy way.
For those going through painful times....I extend my hugs and support to you. Do the best you can. Best wishes.

~ GalinTx

When my boyfriend left me, I wasted months reading articles about "How to Get Your Ex Back" using selfish techniques such as "no contact," guilt-trips, jealousy, and manipulation. Naturally, none of these worked, because all of the above methods focus on personal neediness and hurt feelings, not the problems that led to the actual breakup. Dr. Harris teaches readers how to be lovers, in the truest sense of the word. His advice is effective because it promotes love, cooperation, and understanding, not manipulation and lies. Ultimately, I would suggest this book to anyone serious about rebuilding their relationship.

~ M

This book may well be the single thing that saved my relationship. My boyfriend of one year asked me for an "extended time out" that I feared would become permanent. I bought this book because of the high reviews, and WOW, I'm glad I did. It teaches the principle of loving 100% -- really loving your partner, enough, even, to let them go if that's the best thing for them. I knew this in principle, but the book gave me concrete steps to put it into action, and made me realize that my love had been quite selfish. The best advice is on creating pleasant memories whenever you get together casually; i.e., no fighting, heavy talks, rehashing the past, etc. So far, this is working like a charm. My boyfriend said my loving gift of time apart has overwhelmed him, and he is not only planning to come back, but to work on his own fears and issues! The book also taught me to keep my mouth shut about my own fears and needs. Amazingly, when I do this, not only do the fears/needs go away, I actually am getting what I wanted all along! Highly recommended.

~ Thomas W. Hutchison

A close friend recommended this book to me when I was going through the worst period of a 20 year relationship. I don't think I would have been as cool and collected as I was during all that turmoil without this book's advice. Not that I was all that cool and collected but I was much more so than I would have been had I not read this book several times over. What can I say? Great advice that came to me at the perfect time. I managed to save my 20 year relationship and that was a year ago almost to the day. If you are having trouble staying together and/or working things out with a lover in a time of emotional crisis... then buy this book and read it over and over. They say a word to the wise is sufficient.

~ The Shadow Knows

The best thing about this book is that it helps you gain some control over what seems to be an experience much like driving a car over a cliff at 100 mph while wearing a blindfold.
I first read How to Get Your Lover Back at the on-set of a doomed relationship. It worked then, though I eventually realized that I didn't want the relationship. I read it again a few years later to save a relationship that very well feels like it will be a forever one. Both times, the guidance provided in this book prevailed.
Not only is it a book about how to regain your loved one's affection, but also provides guidance on how to truly develop as a person capable of a long-term relationship. It helped me understand how my behavior needed to change in order to gain what I wanted in myself and for my relationship.

Instead of begging and pleading, Harris coaches the reader to modify destructive behavior patterns, those typical "needy," co-dependent behaviors that only push your loved one further away--like competing with a new person in your intended's life, caving in to calling or contacting your loved one, and creating negative experiences when you do communicate, to name a few topics discussed.
Instead of making those common mistakes, you will evaluate the healthfulness of the relationship, grow to understand the concept of giving 100% love, and gain a perspective on how to modify your behavior so that you are a stable, secure person who is the picture of what your lover wants and needs.

~ D. McLin

Title should be successful strategies for starting over and making things better. Even if you don't get back with your old partner this book has really good advice for future relationships or improving current relationships. This book was really helpful and made it easy to understand and see things. I even noticed mistakes I made in past relationships that I did not realize were such a problem. I suggest this book for any relationship pre/current/post. There is useful advice and ideas everybody can learn to use in their relationships to improve them and themselves. I cannot think of any negatives for this book. It is a really good read and worth the money. I was unsure whether to get this book at first but glad I did. If you are feeling a little unsure I suggest just be open to the ideas in the book and try it there is nothing to really lose.


First, to the author - thank you, you did in fact give me the tools to save my marriage. Second, this book is not geared toward men or women but gives examples from both sides I expect everyone can relate to.
This books helps you through that "what am I going to do now" phase and helps you from making some real mistakes. It helps you understand your role in what happened and how to treat yourself and partner with love. Though it speaks to loving 100% one also has to do it while self-loving as well, if someone missed that part they should reread the book because everything has to come from a place of honesty and love. Loving 100% doesn't mean being a doormat and in fact I found it was the opposite of give, give, give as someone else mentioned because often you need to practice restraint. I truly feel this book saved my marriage. Really. My copy is very worn from rereading to give solice during dark days. Learning and using this information made me a better person, which in turn made me a better partner. I've used what I've learned even in other walks of life because it felt good to know even if a relationship wasn't going to workout letting go was done in an honest, loving way one could be proud of.
A key take away especially during the dark days was: evoking pity, evoking guilt, sudden concessions, sudden attentiveness, negative visualization, making demands and ultimatums, threatening, etc - have in common a profound lack of love. When a rejected person engages in them, they are contradicting what they say/think/feel they want to do most --to love. Loving is to pay attention to the needs of the person you love. When you resort to these tatics, you're focusing only on yourself. The object of that kind of "love" -whether conscious or not - is not going to experience being loved. Experience being loved, that's big -giving someone that experience from their POV. Manipulation, is not love and one can feel that. Show love in both your actions and words, if love is what you want (and this book will help you decide if in fact it is what you want). True love, when given freely and very powerful. So it may open doors, but if you are coming from the right place, you should consider that a bonus.
See? So much good stuff in this book. Given it as gifts. Can't recommend it high enough.

~ Sparkles

I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is having relationship problems - for those who lost a loved one to another. It gives great examples - in fact with every page there was an example in which I could relate to.
It was easy to read. I could not put the book down. It was written for the everyday people and not hard to follow. I took the examples used and was able to win my lover back.

~ Kim A. Stamps

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